Life currently is not treating me well. Found myself sitting in my chair many times over the past couple of weeks doing nothing but thinking about how life sucks. A friend I really admired and valued our relationship so highly seemed to have taken a weird turn and the most frustrating thing is that I don't know how to go about fixing it. I don't have the courage to speak out to them and let them know how it's making me feel and what I can do to make it normal again. I just want it back so badly so I can stop crying myself to sleep every night. I just feel so alone at the moment.

Family is compounding the effect as that turned to shit about the same time. Now I can't even seek out the comfort of my closest friend to help ease the suffering. I feel completely isolated and now there's just no drive in my heart to do anything. All I end up doing is laying around in my room brooding these sad thoughts and turning on the water works. The office used to be a safe place away from it all but there's nothing there for me any more either.

I feel like it would just be easier to keel over and just spiral down into a bottomless hole but there's that small slice of hope that is clinging on. I really just want my friend back, although that hope is constantly being crushed everyday and the pain of that is so much it makes the bottom of the hole that much more inviting.